September 6th, 2004

Apollo 4 on column of fire

The state of the Kerry campaign

The last thing you want to do is go to a football game with anxious Democrats. In football, when you score a touchdown or field goal, you have no choice but to give the ball to the other side. Actually you can do an onside kick, but this also usually gives the ball to the other side. Either way, the anxious Democrats will fall to pieces every time their team is forced to kick off.

I consider John Kerry a good quarterback, but lately George W. Bush has been doing the quarterbacking. The Democratic nail-biting is so noisy I can hardly sleep at night. I want to shout out my window, "Fuggedaboudit!"

If I were John Kerry, I'd let it be known that Bill Clinton and FOBs were assisting my campaign. The primary purpose would not be to turn my supposedly bad but actually good campaign around, but to reduce the anxiety of the Democratic nail-biters.
Apollo 4 on column of fire

Early Alzheimer's for Zell

I hear tell that the way Zell Miller has been behaving lately is consistent with early symptoms of Alzheimer's disease. So I change my opinion back. Miller ought to see a neurologist, or rather someone ought to take him to a neurologist.