June 9th, 2007

Apollo 4 on column of fire

A rule-of-thumb theory for ages for couples

In addition to Paris Hilton as a metaphor for the choice between stagnation, with consequent joylessness, and growth, with the possibility of joy in living, I have a more mundane theory of couples. Both are based on things that people in the clinical psyche-stuff fields have taught, mind you; I can’t figure this stuff out for myself, though I do get to decide what is ‘real’ and what is crap.

The second theory says that 25 is old enough. If both people in a couple are at least 25 years old and of ‘normal’ maturity (not Paris Hilton), then I have nothing to complain about unless I know something specific about the pair. It’s a question of maturity, or rather of ‘callowness’. If someone 35 wants to go with or marry someone 19, then I am concerned, because almost any 19-year-old is going to be ‘callow’, and why is this 35-year-old interested in someone ‘callow’? I have known of one case where the person was 23 or 24 and seemed well past the callow stage, but it’s an outlier, I think.

I have no general theory regarding people who are under 25 forming a couple with someone under 25 or only a little over 25.

I’ve had a lot of years to think about this theory of the age 25, since learning of it. It’s also around that age that physical development is completed.
I am called Bojo (MEE noMEEjas BOyo) [Ma

Why form and be a couple?

To continue with my series on couplehood, let me answer the question, ‘Why couplehood?’

My answer for couplehood versus polyamory: I can tell Kristy or anyone else that she is my bestest, bestest, bestest friend in the whole world, and there isn’t one person in that entire world whom I can offend by saying that.

That is the explanation which I have sought for years and which came to me unconsciously during my walk. My previous defenses of couplehood were in terms of its simplicity, but here I have found an example of what one loses by increasing the complication.

My answer for couplehood versus singlehood is that I then bring some of the most intense aspects of life into the realm of this bestest, bestest friendship.

I do not wish to pronounce couplehood the best choice for everyone. I certainly know people for whom singlehood is the best option, because they cannot bear to have relationships of even moderate intensity, and regarding others I have no opinion one way or the other which of the three options is best for them. After all, it seems pretty obvious that polyamory offers pleasures that couplehood cannot provide, and which may be sorely missed. The rewards of couplehood are notably bittersweet.