Barry SCHWARTZ (Barijo ŜVARC) (chemoelectric) wrote,

Paris Hilton, the metaphor

Paris Hilton, the metaphor, is at a split in the road. In one direction lies the path to always wondering always why people and the natural world are making things so difficult for her. In the other direction lies difficulty and pain and unfairness, but also the possibility of actual joy in living.

Many couples find themselves as the metaphorical Paris Hilton. I think that a good basis for couplehood is to be equally and complementarily defective, thus guaranteeing conflict, but a complementary partner is exactly what one needs, but it must be someone who is capable of serious growth in his or her close personal relationships. There are many people, though probably a minority, who simply will never have this capability in their lifetimes; I have personal experience related to this. But lots of other people form couples for very good reasons but they wonder about the conflicts and hardships, the periods of fear that there is no choice but to split, and wishing not to have been born, not realizing that these periods were guaranteed, and made even more likely because the two people are complementary in what stresses they handle better. This path, the one with the hardships due to complementarity, is one path by which to attain some joy in living.

One member of the couple wants to get to the airport at ten in the morning to catch a flight at four in the afternoon; the other wants to make a mad dash to the airport and show up just as the plane is boarding. We have here a promising couple.

Now for some fun. Every such couple has its own fight that is about nothing. It’s just comes out of nowhere and consists of button-pushing driven by agitation, the desire to hurt someone, whatever. It’s an interesting exercise to figure out just how that fight manifests. I diagnosed my own as being a fight in which the argument was ‘about’ the way in which I said something, or at least this was one aspect of that fight in which I felt the most hurt. I may be more blind to the aspects of the nothing-fight that are more painful to my spouse. Being aware of the nothing-fight has made it happen less easily, so I don’t have a lot of observations lately.

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