Barry SCHWARTZ (Barijo ŜVARC) (chemoelectric) wrote,
Barry SCHWARTZ (Barijo ŜVARC)
chemoelectric

A letter from my cervix

A just-arrived e-mail:


Dear Barry,

This is your cervix writing.

I know, you might've forgotten I existed until you got this
e-mail just now (what with vagina and clitoris always hogging
all the attention). I bet you wouldn't even recognize me if you
saw me -- me, your very own cervix!

Well, that's exactly why my pals at Planned Parenthood have a
few ideas for you on how to show me some love. They've been
helping women screen against cervical cancer for decades, and
right now they're offering a few easy ways you can take care of
yours truly (or, for you guys out there, how you can make sure
your sisters, spouses, daughters, and friends stay healthy,
too):

TOP THREE WAYS TO LOVE YOUR CERVIX
(or the Cervix of Someone You Love)

1. GET A PAP TEST.
I know, I know, this seems obvious. But think about it: When WAS
your last Pap test? Start taking care of it this very moment. It
couldn't be more important, and Planned Parenthood couldn't make
it easier for you to find your nearest health center and make an
appointment. Please don't put it off; you owe me a Pap and a
cervical cancer screening at least once a year: Make your
appointment now.
http://www.ppaction.org/ct/W71XX1F1PrzF/FindHealthCenter

2. GET THE HPV VACCINE.
You may have heard about this one in the news -- well, now it's
time to take advantage of it. Protect me from the types of human
papilloma virus (HPV) responsible for 70 percent of all cervical
cancer cases, not to mention genital warts. Check out these
YouTube videos to learn more about me, HPV, and the HPV vaccine.
http://www.ppaction.org/ct/I71XX1F1PrzK/

3. HAVE SAFER SEX.
Okay, duh. But seriously, when I say safer, I mean using
protection every time. Add HPV and cervical cancer to the long
list of reasons why safer sex is sexier sex, and remember: your
cervix cannot protect you, so please protect your cervix. Find
out more about protection and safer sex here.
http://www.ppaction.org/ct/Wp1XX1F1Prz-/SaferSex

Did I mention making your appointment -- now?
http://www.ppaction.org/ct/W71XX1F1PrzF/FindHealthCenter

Happy National Cervical Cancer Screening Month!

Love,
Your cervix

P.S. Don't have a cervix? Forward this e-mail to the people you
love who do have cervixes!


My cervix seems confused as to whether it exists. I have to assume that I am a character, or a small suite of characters, in a Phil Dick novel (if Phil Dick novels can be said to have characters and not cardboard cut-outs of characters). Right now my cervix and my prostate are having an argument about which of the two really exists.
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